What does value mean to you?
There are so many words one can associate with value, and discovering those words for ourselves individually can help us discover or solidify our purpose. It’s all relative to you.
What is valuable to you? What makes you feel valued in yourself and in your community? Time? Money? Emotional connection? Actions? Material items? Attention?
At our core, our values are discovered. Through feelings in our gut, heart, mind, and soul. With some time and attention, we can tune in to our thoughts and feelings to discover what really matters to us. Oftentimes, we just go with the flow and never second-guess what we have been conditioned to care about, even if life feels like a constant struggle. Many of our values are very apparent and have been with us since as long as we can remember, while others are newly emerging as we evolve in the world. It’s time to pay attention, to excavate the oldest ideals like hidden gems and admire the newer ones like tree seedlings with so much powerful potential.
Values like trust, connection, understanding and human contact are common and instinctual examples that many of us relate to. Whether or not specific values speak enthusiastically to you, likely you can see the role they may have played at some point in your life, or the role they play in others’ lives today. Some more unique examples may include productivity, determination, empathy, or fitness. It’s fun to define what means the most to us. What I love so much about looking deeper into this way of defining ourselves is that there is no wrong way to do it. It’s another reminder that we are born to define ourselves and pursue what calls to us. When we do, other areas of our life run smoother.
Decision making can be really challenging at times. Not knowing which direction to go can leave us feeling stuck and frustrated; split between what we think we should do and what we actually want to do. More clearly defined values help untangle the mess in our head and heart by having context to check into when we have tough choices before us. When we know what is for us, it’s easier to see what is not for us.
When I sat and wrote down my values for the first time, I was at a huge crossroads in my life. It wasn’t clear what choice would be most beneficial for me. Like with any huge decision, it felt like both choices would be the right one, and at the same time, absolutely wrong. What mattered to me? Not just in that moment, and not just based on the experiences I had in the past that meant so much to me and helped shape me, but also what would matter to me in the future. How did I define myself and how did I want to define myself? I was prompted to choose my top five, and eventually top three. It took several weeks, starting with a brain dump of all the words that I felt connected to, recategorizing them to see if some words could fit with others and be understood more broadly. I read articles, watched YouTube videos, asked friends and family members for their perspective on values. I reflected back on what had always mattered to me, and what experiences had been very challenging or painful for me. The long journey lead me to four significant values: Love, Integrity, Creativity, and Freedom. In the last several years, it’s been a joy to exercise these words, and keep them as a guide on this unpredictable journey. It’s impossible to be perfect, which is why I see them as a guide. The more time spent with them in mind, the easier it is to act in alignment. Alignment isn’t about strict rules that feel like obligations, it’s about working in a way that helps take a lot of the guesswork out of the mix; to create more simplicity and focus so we have more momentum to deal with the more complex situations that we have little control of. Now that I’ve found these values to support me, I don’t see a life worth living without them.
Love isn’t always easy to describe, but is closely associated to compassion, empathy, understanding, forgiveness, loyalty, kindness, patience, acceptance and support. It feels warm and inviting. It takes the time to understand and act accordingly. It sees through the emotions that others often judge. It doesn’t count mistakes. It hopes that you are well. Love reaches the heart on the most unbelievable of days, when you aren’t quite sure how you’ll make it through. It can often be used as a weapon, or feel like some sort of currency only to be spent on those most deserving, but I see it differently than that. Of course it can hurt sometimes, and feel like a blunt object striking at our core. But as time and emotion passes, love is what heals us. The love given to us by the elements of this world, that we hold for ourselves, and that we hold for everything around us far overpowers mistaken perspectives of ill-willed minds. Love is generous. Love is receptive. Loving oneself is vital in the process. It is very challenging, if at all possible, to love others without first loving ourselves. Once we accept ourselves with kindness and compassion, it’s much harder to discriminate against others, because it’s clear we are all part of the circular energy exchange here. If a situation or relationship isn’t aligned with your values, and you must remove it from your direct contact, love can still exist, because love is what we feel inside, and is not always an action. I could talk about love all day, but I’ll move on.
Integrity was taught to me as “doing the right thing because it’s the right thing to do, even when no one is watching you.” And yeah, sometimes it would feel like someone was watching me, but maybe that was just the Catholic upbringing. Anyways, it’s not always clear what the right thing is. I’m learning more and more that it’s both relative and individual. I closely relate it to honesty, trustworthiness, communication and follow-through. I think of the golden rule – treat others the way you would like to be treated – along the same lines, and can be equally unique to each of us. It can be confusing and challenging in a world where many people treat others so poorly… as if giving an example of how they would like to be treated. But of course when our surrounding values are in place, like love and creativity, we find a way to continue to treat others within our core principles and not get carried away or distracted by things we don’t align with. When we trust ourselves to make aligned choices, it’s much easier to be there for other people in our lives and to cultivate lasting and meaningful relationships. Dependability can be very important in a variety of areas of life. We must depend on ourselves, our loved ones, coworkers, bosses, community leaders, the people who grow our food, and even other drivers on the road. While it’s a lovely idea to be completely independent and not need to rely on anyone else for anything at all, it is impossible. Community is necessary for general well-being. How does it feel to have someone there for you when you need it most? How does it feel to offer your time to be there for others in their times of need? In what ways do you show up as a dependable rock for others? What kind of value does this concept add to your life?
Creativity is one of the most primal concepts around. We are here because we were created, and are intended to continue the creation of life. Since we came to be, we have developed an elaborate society with unbelievable systems and technologies. It’s not just about creating human life, or advancing mechanical industries, it’s also about creating artistic life through our own imagination and other outside inspirations. My parents have a lot of creative hobbies, which have definitely rubbed off on me. I love trying things in different ways to see what I enjoy the most. I like a balance of fun and functional projects. There is a very playful energy around creativity that is infectious and empowering. It is also one of my favorite tools for self reflection. Some ways to express creativity include building, making clothes, dancing, music, painting, blanket forts, solving problems, writing, braiding, cooking, coding, or inventing something completely new. There is an endless list of possibilities, so we will never run out of ways to explore. What does creativity mean to you? What do you like to create? How does it feel when you create? How does it feel when you don’t?
Freedom is a tricky topic, especially when the freedom our country was founded on relied heavily on taking away the freedom of many to make it happen. It often comes with a price, so I invite you to think about what the price is for your freedom. Zooming in to the individual perspective of freedom as a core value for me, it is more of a feeling and mindset. Being able to choose what is best for me moment to moment, to redefine it as needed, to spend my free time doing things that light me up and add joy and space to life. Of course to have freedom and choice we may have some obligations that feel unpleasant or restrictive. Some things that feel less freeing, like a work schedule or chores, for example, are necessary in order to create a full feeling of freedom. Without money to pay bills, and with dishes, clothes, and dust piling up, there wouldn’t be much space to express freely or to ensure the feeling that anything is possible. A list of to-dos can feel so heavy, which is why I look at them as a valuable and vital part of the process. Taking the time to knock down less enjoyable responsibilities creates a feeling of accomplishment, and when we get into the space of freedom, there aren’t as many pesky thoughts floating around. And like with anything, practice makes better and we can build more momentum with each day. Freedom feels like a big deep breath, expansive, nourishing, and sensual. Taking in all the good, appreciating what is available, and releasing stress, tension, expectations, and any negative energy that tries sneaking in. Who we are is strongly influenced by our perspective of what we are free to do. The more awareness we cultivate around this idea, the more often we can live in that space, and even create a lifestyle built around its value.
To know where we want to go, we need to know where we are now, who we are at our core, and how we feel about it. Generally, this knowing comes from a series of experiences that taught us what we need to thrive, and what we must reduce or leave behind to do so. I encourage you to take some time for yourself to explore some of these ideas and create some of your own clarity around what is valuable to you. How can you weave your own personal values into each day? Which of your core values feels most powerful to you? Which values have you always had and which are newer discoveries?
What does value mean to you? What are you core values?
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Thank you for taking the time to get to know me!
– Laura
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