I don’t know about you, but I love romance! It feels warm and cozy, radiating like a furnace from within. Our culture teaches us to see it as something someone else has the pilot light for, that we can’t spark it on our own, and that if we are not in a romantic relationship, or are in a relationship that is lacking romance, we must suffer through the loneliness and should be pitied.
Whether it’s pity or romance, we are more than capable of providing it to ourselves. Our thoughts create our reality, and it’s up to us to change the narrative we’ve been taught so we can live in harmony with ourselves, regardless of our relationship status. That’s right, no need to feel left out this Valentine’s Day, because you can think outside the box of chocolates and provide all the juicy goodness of the holiday to yourself!
There are several speculations on the origins of Valentine’s Day. Some say Valentine was a priest and martyr of love, executed for marrying soldiers to their lovers in secret when it was outlawed by Emperor Claudius II in the third century in Rome. Others say it was a different Valentine who was killed for helping Christians escape prison, falling in love with a woman that came to visit when he was jailed and writing her a love letter before his death (https://www.history.com/topics/valentines-day/history-of-valentines-day-2). The date may signify when he was killed, or it may signify the beginning of the mating season for birds, nature’s season of love! Who really knows? This day and age it’s all about fun and making time for special connection to the hearts of those we love, and sometimes in non-traditional ways. In the first case mentioned, supporting those who are in love, and in the second case, being locked away from where the heart’s desire is and feeling it anyway. Romancing near or far, with a small token or a large production, by ourselves or with others, it’s all good no matter how it happens.
What is romance, anyways?
Defined by Oxford Languages in many ways such as
“a feeling of excitement and mystery associated with love,”
“a quality or feeling of mystery, excitement, and remoteness from everyday life,”
“a medieval tale dealing with a hero of chivalry, of the kind common in the Romance languages,”
“court; woo,”
and
“relating to the group of Indo-European languages descended from Latin, principally French, Spanish, Portuguese, Italian, Catalan, Occitan, and Romanian.”
As you can see, it is quite the choose-your-own-adventure! Especially if your self-love journey is in its earlier stages, there is plenty of opportunity to bring excitement, mystery, and small adventurous escapes from the norm. So long as you seek it, there is always something new and different to experience. Maybe what you’ve always thought you wanted from romance is to dress up fancy, be wined and dined, share a movie at the theater, take a long walk on the beach, and have a passionate night to wrap it all together. Maybe the idea of doing any of those things solo sounds absolutely awful to you! The truth is, there will be many activities that you enjoy more with others, and you don’t need to do those things alone if it doesn’t bring you joy. Enjoy the friendly activities with friends who love you and want to spend quality time with you, and get creative about the more intimate ways you want to feel.
You have all the loving joy in your heart to give yourself the attention and passion you desire. If you don’t feel you do, remember that you are the person most capable of having it for yourself than anyone else. You know yourself better, you are with yourself all the time, you can read your own mind, and you have an image in your head of your ideal romantic treatment. Until the time comes that you receive that treatment from another person in a healthy and fulfilling way, why wait to feel the love? You know your favorite foods, movies, places to go, outfits, music, ambience, etc.
Treat yourself as your own romantic partner. Set the mood the way you envision it and give yourself some pampering. Whether it involves deep rest and self-care in the form of a hot salt bath, candles, a nourishing meal at home, and watching your favorite movie, or going out on a new adventure to a beautiful place you have never seen, getting takeout from your favorite restaurant and eating at a park with a view of the sunset, the world is your playground, awaiting the excitement your imagination has to offer. It can even be as simple as ordering out and going to bed early, or reading a book that inspires you.
If you still feel like you’re missing out on a huge part of the world of romance, deepen your understanding of intimacy through practicing self-love. Affirm and celebrate your strengths and pleasant qualities, and hold your more challenging traits with compassion and understanding. Every part of you deserves love and acceptance. Once you’ve spent time complimenting yourself and had quality creative time, it’s time to start taking your self-love even more seriously! Self-massage after a long bath and with some calm stretching is so wonderful! With a favorite lotion or oil, it’s lovely to give attention to parts of our bodies that are often overlooked and underappreciated. Our body does so much for us, how much we do for it in return? Massage and stretching help release tight knots in our muscles and stress and tension that build up in our tissue and tendons. When we are less stressed and hold less tension, we are able to open our hearts to deeper and more fulfilling love.
If you’re prepared to take your self-love to the next level after that, self-pleasure is a powerfully underrated aspect of our journey. There is so much good that loving ourselves fully provides to us as we learn more about ourselves and how we want to be loved. I strongly believe that if we don’t know how to love ourselves, it is an uphill battle trying to receive it from others. There are many open and inclusive resources out there to help learn more about how to practice self-love, so go explore and have fun!
Romancing yourself can be as simple or extravagant as you want it to be. Open your heart to yourself this month. Feel all the goodness you can provide to your life. Know you are capable of creating a wholesome and loving environment for yourself regardless of circumstance.
Self-love is the best love!
What are your favorite self-romance practices?
What ideas does this post bring up for you?
Was there a time you felt contained in society’s norms, and how has that changed for you as time goes on?
If you ever feel like you want more support in creating more holistic and heart-centered routines in your life, I am always here to talk to and would love to help make things smoother for you. Let’s set up a time to chat about your goals and put together a personalized plan to get you where you’d like to go on this journey!
Email me at laura@heartcenteredholistic.com
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Have a beautiful day!
– Laura
